I just had a ridiculously clear flashback to my Junior year of high school. Ms. Hedahl pulled me into her office and was talking to me about the movie Hairspray that had recently come out. She kept telling me how much the character reminded her of me- and how I should be playing that part.
Before that moment, I had never even really heard much of Hairspray. Just a few songs and the story. But when she told me that, I of course had to find out for myself.
And sure enough, I fell in love. Because of what Ms. Hedahl said. And what a compliment. To remind someone of Tracy. A strong, optimistic, loving girl. And she told me that she hoped I got the opportunity to do that show one day.
Well, Thursday is right around the corner, and I get to be Tracy. For one night. On the big stage.
I thought about this conversation when I was writing my bio for the program, and ended up dedicating the entire experience to Ms. Hedahl. Because I really do owe it to her. Not just the love for the show, but for the music. And the passion. And the support.
We take advantage of what it feels like to have someone believe in you so strongly.
I am so lucky. I am the understudy, and the beautiful and talented Lindsey Hedberg, who's playing Tracy, GAVE me a show. And now I have family driving ridiculous miles to come see, friends coming from all over, and their families coming along for the show. And I am so grateful. And blessed. But I really wish there was one seat with Lacie Hedahl sitting in it. I feel like everything has kind of worked up to this moment- and if she could be there... well. I know she'd be proud. And that's the best I can do.
I just hope she hasn't been forgotten yet. I think about her every day- how could I not? Especially with everything lately? I know she'll be there helping me through all my nerves and doubts when that curtain opens.
It's been about 9 months since Ms. Hedahl passed away, but that day in her office feels like yesterday.
Just take a minute to be grateful for every person around you who loves you and supports you. It's truly one of the greatest gifts in the world.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
The last two weeks feel like it's been a month.
Putting a show together in 2 weeks is crazy. Putting a show the size of Hairspray together in two weeks- is ridiculous. And I love it.
It's really weird to think about the first day of rehearsal and that it was only 14 days ago- because it really does feel like SO much longer than that.
In such a short period of time and working so closely with people- it pretty much forces you to bond quickly. Some of these people- I feel like I've known forever.
It's just a reoccurring theme I guess- my obsession with this world of theatre.
We opened Hairspray last night- and it was amazing. The last couple days have been... shaky. People on edge and the show not quite where it needed to be- but it made it that much more incredible when the show was practically flawless on opening night. This whole thing is just so new to me- it's my first professional show and summerstock show and I'm learning so much. I don't know how they did it in 2 weeks but they did.
And I didn't think it was possible- but now I'm even more obsessed with Hairspray than before. I'm more obsessed with theatre than before.
This whole thing is so different, too, because I almost feel like a crew member- rather than a cast member. Singing backstage and helping with quick changes and never seeing the audience- it's all very strange. But I wouldn't change this experience for anything.
Biggest thing I learned through this: I wasn't ready to be Tracy. Vocally and dancing-wise, ya sure- I could do it (gee I hope so seeing as I have a show on Thursday!!!) :) but I really think that I've learned so much... SO much... by being a little more out of the picture- and everything I HAVE learned is stuff that I needed to learn- and will help me so so so much in my journey. I've been under the radar, and I've been able to see how the professional theatre world kinda works. How to treat the production team, how to act during tech week, how to treat your fellow cast members, and the most important- how to stay out of the way when you need to. I didn't think that would be something I'd need to learn- but it's WAY more important than I realized.
And by being the understudy- I feel- that I've kinda taken on a role of being a reliable support system for the cast. Lord knows I love taking care of people- and I think I even do it for me, because that feeling of uselessness that has passed through me on countless occasions through this process is no fun. Hell- covering Link's tattoo last night might have been the highlight of my night because I felt needed. So it's a little trying- But if it's not trying, you don't grow from it.
I am grateful for everything that has happened. And am now, more than ever, a strong believer in everything happens for a reason. Lindsey Hedberg is so flippin talented. And deserves the role of Tracy. No doubt. And I have actually learned a lot from even just watching her. From watching and working with everyone. I'm in love. With this cast. Aside from the Musical Comedy Murders of 1940s cast (which I don't know if ANY show will beat that cast), Hairspray is my favorite cast to work with.
I know me. I know I get attached so easily to people. I'm a puppy is what I am. And I literally have fallen in love with these people. But the cool thing is- we all met under this crazy circumstance of being thrown into the process of putting together a 2 1/2 hour - cast of 28- musical- in two weeks- and it'll end just as quickly. But there will be opportunities to work with the exact same people in the future.
And I need to learn to let go easier :) In this big world, I have to realize not everyone falls in love so easily. But I won't stop. As hard as it is to say goodbye ( and now I'm also talking about people not necessarily involved with theatre) it's better to have attached to these people and loved on them while I could- than to look back and think - man. This person was really cool. I should have let them know or spent more time with them.
Who wants to look back on life and think "what if?"
[today my link is to yet ANOTHER youtube page- that is still growing. We did a company Cabaret and this is a video of me and the girl playing Tracy. We had all known each other for maybe 5 days? There will be another Cabaret on the 18th- so more videos will be posted.]
http://www.youtube.com/user/CSTcabaret
“Contentment is not the fulfillment of what you want, but the realization of how much you already have.”
