Maybe a good youtube video now and then too. I don't understand when people can spend endless amounts of time in youtube. Don't get me wrong- I LOVE youtube, but I can't just sit down and search random things. I've tried with Madison haha. But she's legitimately pro at that.
Which is where I actually found most of the hilarious videos I know about.
HOWEVER- the Youtube clip today, available in this particular blog, is called Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri. It narrates this specific entry quite perfectly. Couldn't find an MP3 clip to add SORRY! And a big thanks to SYTYCD for the beautiful contemporary piece done to this song :)
AND for the SYTYCD video the dance aforementioned here's the link! ;)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ToDZ9Q2hIBk&feature=player_embedded
I've been putting off blogging because there's only REALLY been one thing on my mind and I just don't.... I just don't. Ha.
Closure is the point of this blog. Closure is what I never got. A year and a half- coming on 2 years later- and I still have no closure.
I've tried- but closure is hard when you can't get away from the person. They're everywhere.
This year was easier. MUCH easier. But still- when you spend so much time with someone, when you fall in love- you have places. You have jokes. You have routines. They're no longer your own- they're something that you have shared with someone else.
So when I (for example) go to read my book in the sunshine at my favorite spot on campus under my favorite big tree, I can't help but be reminded of the many books we shared, puzzles, music discovered, homework helped with, first kisses, second kisses, a millionth kisses, that WE did under my favorite tree. So do I just NOT go to my spot?
I don't think that's fair. But let me tell you- that tree didn't see me ONCE this year. And that makes me sad.
The worst part of it all- is that even after the TERRIBLE things that happened, the betrayal that happened, the jerk-factor of the whole situation- I'd look past it all if you asked me to. That makes me sick. I thought I was stronger than that, and that I had more respect for myself. I know better, but that doesn't seem to matter to me. It's weird.
My good friend Kelly once told me that I deserved to be chased. I was worth fighting for. I think about that constantly, and I know she's right.
I think everyone needs to think about how amazing they are at least once a day, but I don't think they do because they feel selfish or conceited. It's not. It's loving yourself and honoring yourself.
So yes. I am great. I DO deserve to be chased and I DON'T deserve to be treated the way Mr. WLT treated me. (That's for you, Allana) ;)
Still, some closure would be nice..
But how do you get closure when you can't get past the "awe" factor?
babe you just have to honor that there were beautiful times shared and that it's not something you need to let make you sad. You also have to honor and respect why it didn't work. These things make you sad, but only because you want for the past. You only have your future. The good and the bad is why you are who you are. Closure comes when you realize that some things are deal breakers. You feel sick but you have the antidote, you have to be brave enough to take it. You can say all you want that you know these things, but until you feel free, you haven't addressed it in a healthy and self affirming way. Your too talented and beautiful to disrespect yourself.
ReplyDeleteNamaste ;)