King of Anything

Blogs are a funny thing. They're open to everyone- it's not like facebook where only my friends can see it.

You have to be careful about what you write.

And I'm not just talking about me. Even thought what I WANT to write right now, I can't. And I shouldn't.

I've been reading some other blogs and I don't know if people actually realize that everyone can see what they write. I guess it's good though- maybe people should just always assume that what goes on the internet can be seen by anyone. Maybe that would keep people in check.

So even though I'm using this as kind of a virtual journal, my feelings today might just have to go down in the good old fashioned paper journal. One of the many I have piled on my bookcase. So lonely. I bet they're mad at me for switching to this.

I am frustrated. I can say that much. With almost literally EVERYTHING. Things were supposed to get better- and they did. Temporarily. Now it's pretty much back to the way things were.

I didn't run from the things that were bothering me- I just pushed them aside so I could have a few days, a week maybe, of an oasis away from it all. It's still here though.

The stress, the worry, the doubt.

Mostly the doubt.

Hope is a scary thing.

I used to think that everyone should have hope.

Bad news lasts for awhile and then you can move on from it.

Hope strings you along with false promises and daydreams and wishes.

Writing that out sounds so cynical- but it's true. There's not denying it.

Anyway- I'm just gonna be random and spout what's on my mind.

I have a very verbal (yet non-verbal?) almost 2 year old sitting next to me. No words. But lots of talking in her own language :) Every once and a while an "uh oh" or "wow" or "shoes". Right now she's playing with a necklace and making up a song.

I have recently become completely and utterly obsessed with Criminal Minds. I've always liked it, and would watch it over anything else when it was on TV. I'm not really a tv watcher. I have my few shows and that's it. But I started with Criminal Minds because Mandy Patinkin was the main character (Inigo Mantoya from Princess Bride, Yentl, Sunday in the Park with George, SO much more).

And now, I've become so obsessed that I've been watching it online. It's sad. but soooooo good :)

And since I can't say what I REALLY want to say, here are some videos of my incredibly talented friends who I am so FREAKING proud of. I am so blessed to have them in my life, and for them to call me a friend, and I have learned so much, specifically, from these two girls. They're going far in life :)

*Mandie*

*Heather*