Clean Getaway

Yikes Bikes. It's been awhile since I've been here.

In more ways than one.

Allow yourself to feel.

I finally made it. I made a clean getaway.

It's funny when we look back and we think about what we wanted. What we thought would make everything easier. Everything better. In reality- those things just complicate everything else. Hide them for the time being, but they can't just be erased.

Money doesn't necessarily make everything else fall into place. Neither does love.

I'm happier right now in this moment than I was a week ago. Two weeks ago.

And that makes everything else easier. That fact- right there. I just had to figure it out.

No more vagueness.

I went to Moscow this last weekend. Everything is better when I'm there. It's not the place- it's the people there.

I feel so lucky with who I am and what I do. Because it has opened me up to the most understanding and incredible people in the world.

The theatre community is the most open and safe community I've ever been a part of. No need to pretend to be someone you're not. I'm ME 100% of the time- and I just can't get over how amazing that is.

And then I come back to CDA and am surrounded by high school. And I'm not reassured like I am in Moscow with my real friends. It's stressful. And finally- I said screw it, and now I've "changed" a lot. No quotes. I've CHANGED a lot. Yes. I have.

And I LOVE who I am. I am a better person now. So who you knew in high school- that's not who I am anymore. But if you want to continue you judge me that way- then I can't stop you. But that's not me.

So being in Moscow was fantastic. Surprising Mandie worked out wonderfully. Waiting outside the CB rehearsal at the Kiva I had butterflies in my stomach. It was like Christmas morning I was so excited.

And the minute I had a Mandie and a Kyle and a Heather and an Erik and a JBohrn wrapped around me I was home.

It literally was like nothing else mattered.

I can honestly say I didn't think about anything else while I was in Moscow. Coeur d'Alene and the people in it didn't exist all weekend.

And I feel a little bad considering what happened right before I left, but that hasn't phased me at all. I'm just simply not sad. I don't want to say I don't care... but...

I may have sprained my ankle in Moscow, but it was well worth it. I met all the people who were from out of town doing summer theatre, and they were amazing as well.

Like I said-- this community is one of a kind. I can't describe it. I met these people who treated me like a close friend 2 minutes after we met. There was no awkwardness no judgement, we were laughing and making fun and sharing music all within a few minutes of meeting each other.

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE I can't say it any other way. I LOVE IT.

I wish everyone could experience this feeling.

Sure, people have their few friends they can be themselves around, but are they REALLY being themselves? I remember when I used to think I was, and then I discovered THIS feeling, and they're completely different. And I don't have just a few people, I have a world.

Wouldn't it be interesting if everyone in the world, just for ONE day, dropped all judgement and walls and self-conscious thought and got OUT OF THEIR heads- and everyone was just themselves for a whole day.

Who would you still be friends with? Who would you see differently?

I think that'd be very, very cool.

I also don't think everyone could/would do. Some people are too comfortable with the person they pretend to be around others. With their walls.

I'm very thoughtful today :)